.tied up.

Monday, January 31, 2005

miserable

i feel like i'm two persons.
no conviction. no drive.
wandering.
live day to day.
smile when i need to.
laugh when i have to.
i'm not happy, but yet, at times i am.
i wish i could smile like before.
i wish i could laugh like before.
but somehow it all seems so foreign.
i saw them train today.
i stood and watched from above.
hanging. push ups.
eyes grew wet as i walked down the deserted stairwell.
dried it off.
emerged to see a crowd of happy people.
left my handphone in mich goh's car.
overslept on the bus.
walked home.
thought about stuff.
felt abandoned somewhat.
wanted to be left alone.
instead, ate dinner in the living room while granny watched tv.
tried to be sweet and nice.
answered every single question she asked politely.
spent an hour sitting next to her watching some silly "top fun" and channel eight 7 o'clock show.
had my bath.
i wanna run.
i know i've said that so many times.
but i never got down to doing it.
daddy called.
but i was in the bathroom.
):
i wish i could hear his voice.
i hope tmw will be better.
and i hope i get my hp back.

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not here

[ Jude whispered ][ 9:10 PM ]

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